I was looking to see if I had any visitors today, and asking myself, “Why would you have any visitors, when you’re not writing anything”? I have more, I believe, to blog in one day, than most people have to blog in a month, and I’m being conservative. yet with what’s going on spiritually around me and in my family… the enemy is fighting harder than ever, knowing what God has planned in my life with the book and film; knowing that he’s lost me FOREVER! he’s ever fought me. Especially so, after the passing of the most God fearing man, my father, He was the most “tender hearted” ‘man’s man’, I have yet to meet, as he himself has said himself. And he married the finest Christian woman, and soon would be mother, even my own friends esteeming her above their own wonderful mothers! I say all this to say this. It matters NOT what type of family you had, or grew up in, or didn’t have. If there is a member, or members of a family that is broken inside, and I am referring to emotional trauma of some kind, then the whole family is affected, and therefore, fractured. Some may have grown up in a family like, or better, than mine! You may not have had the privilege of a family to grow up in! I will say this though… Mine “seemed” almost perfect to others from the outside… so some of us may have thought…yet it was “broken” on the ‘inside’. A family cannot be whole, if ‘any’ of the parts…it’s ‘members’ themselves are. broken, though they themselves have never developed the symptoms mentioned below. The “roots” of disease, festering on the inside. Addictions, sexual abuse or conflicts, abuses of all sorts. even if it’s just “verbal and mental” , I believe, you can’t have one of these two without the other. They are interchangeable. Alcoholism (a drug also), can happen to anyone, in any family. Though medical studies have shown, it is hereditary. Those are not the problem! Even though I’m quite sure, that those around them may beg to differ. They are just a ‘symptom’, of a deeper, sometimes insidious problem, on inside of the person. It just hasn’t been expressed. That person may not, and I believe in most cases, hasn’t a clue, as to why they are so compulsive, concerning these behaviors. What this webite was to be about originally, was to share a part of myself, “my story”, as to the what, how, and why I was able to stop alcoholism; prescription drug abuse; the lie… and I am speaking for myself right now… of homosexuality, the loss of incessant fear, anxiety, depression,etc. All started with healing inside, not through therapy, which I am in no way discounting, in fact, I encourage, sound, good, therapy. We need to learn more about ourselves, and to develop the coping skills we need, to stop destructive behavior, to ourselves, and to others, even by indirection. Everyone that cares for us, suffers with and ‘for’ us. I want tell my story. Hear your story, and have a place; an “outlet”. A place for my stories, along with yours, as ‘we’, together can express ourselves, without judgement, or ridicule. Just humans being human. In the meanwhile, to learn WHY. “Love IS Stronger”. And, why, Love WINS… “The fight”…for ‘our’ LIVES…like our lives depend on it! Why? Because it does! 9 going going on ten, a “friend”, nine years my senior started asking me to spend the night with him, soon, he started the molestation. When I tried to refuse, he forcibly raped me. One day I remember standing in the middle of the road between our houses, staring down at my feet, at ten or eleven years old. Trying to process the “fact”, (yet a LIE from the enemy…you don’t have to agree, none of my friends do either…that I would accept as truth, over twenty years later.) I was a “faggot”, excuse the term, as that was the only term for it I had heard at that age…
l began this ministry, through the promptings of the Holy Spirit, to tell my story in book and film, to the younger generation, by sharing my testimony of having gone through the same struggles, that they themselves may be facing, or may encounter in their futures.
This site, was originally planned to show the progress and process of the vision of the film, I was given, and is dedicated to those that are lonely, hurting, and looking for “Hope”, in what seems like a “hopeless life”, in a “hopeless world”.
That being the film's theme...based on my and other's, true stories...
It was originally going to be based on the story of MY life, but God also, has other plans, that will now include your stories, along with those same feelings of despair, pain, and the misery, of loneliness and isolation, that comes with the thoughts and feelings, of "not understanding my place in this world". The feelings, of utter isolation, being or feeling neglected by others.
Dismissed, misunderstood; possibly, the worst part, and feeling of all…
"No direction…very seldom a turn".
...Except, for that little spark of…hope.
It was the ONLY feeling. that allowed me, that occasional breath. That life sometimes, afforded .
I found HOPE...THEN, the answer....OUR ANSWER... LOVE.
And LOVE, has a name. His Name... is JESUS.
(I would love to hear your stories, for possible inclusions for the Feature Film. Also, any questions, or concerns, including prayer requests.)
God Bless You. May you find Hope in Him, today.
- H. Bradley Colston
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